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I’ve heard so much about the beautiful Italian girls and must admit I was sort of looking forward to seeing these beauties in the flesh so to speak. But alas they are not as great as I’d been led to believe.

There seems to be a craze with badly done tattoos and pierced body parts. Now I don’t mind a discreet tattoo or belly ring but the covering of one’s self with ink in the most unattractive designs finished off with diamante nose and lip studs is just too much for me. It’s not as if the Roman nose is the smallest nose and needs attention drawn to it.

Lets start with the feet and put a rose on the ankle. Wow that’s great, now what about some Chinese characters, those would look good up my other leg, in fact lets go the waist. Now I got to have something on my hands – what about love across the knuckles – Yeh that would be sexy! My arms are a little bare lets put an African sort of tribal mask up the arm to the shoulder. Hmmm, I think I need some fairies and unicorns on my back and shoulders. Where will I put that fashionable barbed wire? Maybe around my belly button. OK, time for the piercings… You get the picture.

I suppose Genoa is a port town and sailors are notorious for their tattoos.

Even the old ladies have tattoos that have sort of slipped with the aging of the skin. I saw a great tattoo of the sun smiling, done on the wrist of one old dear (at least 75). The sun was giving her the slip all right and was almost hanging in folds (making it almost night I guess!).

They’re not all as bad as I’ve made them out to be, so I apologise to all you Italian ladies, may the ink never fade and the diamantes always sparkle!

The excellent cooking is another problem here in Italy. Mamas cooking with first, second and third courses is just too much for some of these beauties. Not to mention the wonderful gelati (Ice Cream). I don’t mind a little roundness or softness but obesity in this climate cannot be too healthy. Especially not for me as I’m forced to look at the mountains of flesh wobbling in their revealing summer clothes.

I’ve slagged them off, but they are wonderful people who will warmly try to understand your poor one worded Italian, and send you in hopefully the right direction, even though you didn’t understand a word they told you. And just said “Si, si, grazie” (Yes, yes, thank you). I’m truly blessed to be here with these warm, kind people, who really go out of their way to make you feel welcome. So a big CHEERS to all the Italains.

About the author: oliver