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Date: 27 October 2006 9:10 PM
Topic: Julian’s Flat

Julian has a large flat the size of the average shoe box. Imagine a room 4m by 4m and in this room you place a double bed, a chest of draws, a wardrobe, a sink, a small fridge with microwave size stove on top of it and a fireplace. Sorry I forgot the all important TV which is next to the bed and doubles as a bedside table for water, cell phone, keys etc.

I’ve attached an almost to scale plan of the space. It’s time to win the lotto so we/he can move to a bigger, nicer place. Julian has this wonderful neighbour, Tracy (Trix), who lives on the top floor. She loves to come knocking after 12 at night. “Julian, Julian” knock, knock. knock, “I know you in there”, knock, knock, knock. Then she gets angry when he doesn’t open up and storms off. Julian, ever the gentleman, has changed light bulbs for her and lent her his cork screw, in the past, which he never got back. She apparently drinks quiet heavily and you can hear the wine bottles rolling across the floor in the early hours of the morning. Last night she had a “rat” she needed help with. Even with his TV blearing, and him obviously awake, there was no way Julian was going to get up to help.

Trix has heavy footsteps and big shoes, and we hide whenever we hear her clumps down the stairs. Twice a week, on recycle days, she brings out straining bags of bottles, clink, clink. I think she must have two left feet or maybe it is just the alcohol.
In the past Julian has had to call the police to shut her ranting and ravings up, as he was to scared to go up there himself. Nutter!

The other seven flats are occupied by other equally weird people who scuttle around, just like mice or rats, saying nothing and only coming out in the dark. I must add that it is dark most of the time here in “sunny” London.

There is this wonderful communal washing machine and dryer. Takes about three hours to do a wash and you have to twiddle the knob to get it to drain and spin. I usually do the spin cycle twice and the washing still comes out dripping. The dryer does not work, or does if you like burnt holes in you cloths and have an additional couple of hours. You must now hope the weather is sunny (Not), take heavy wet washing up road to “Bubbles” Laundromat, or tap into the landlords electric plug (only available after 10pm when most of the rats are in bed) (plug conveniently located in passage 30cm from front door) and turn the heater up high and risk electrocution. Don’t try and squeeze into the bathroom with all that dripping washing.
I can hear someone else struggling with machine. Lots of banging! I think the washer is definitely on its last legs.
Left my socks to dry in the bathroom. Three days later they were still soggy and I have to wear them wet, hoping they would dry on my feet! Yuk!

About the author: oliver