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Date: 28 October 2006 10:55 AM
Topic: Your M&S

As most of you know Julian works for Marks & Spencer. Now trying very hard to re-brand it’s self as “Your M&S”. Julian has been working night shift for the last couple of weeks and apart from an all nighter (6pm to 6am) last Sunday he usually gets home between 10 and 11pm. Usually loaded up with “waste”* food which staff get at a fifth of the usual price. If you have purchased five pounds or more of waste food ten times, and collected the till receipts, you get a further 50% off. Last night he came in with three big bags of “waste” or 80 pounds sterling regular (yesterdays) price for only 10 pounds. Excellent! We ate like kings! Salad, pizza and trifle washed down with beer. We had to drink the beer because there was no place for the food in the fridge.

We both are broke** and where worrying how we were going to feed ourselves over the next couple of weeks. Luckily for Julian and his excellent customer service at work he was given 20 pounds worth of M&S vouchers. Enough to keep us in waste food till pay day! Apparently he had helped an 82 year old lady with her “bathing suit” and she had written a thank you letter for the “superb” service. Ha Ha I wonder what she really wanted. Maybe I should write a letter thanking him for keeping me in waste.

From the last blog entry you will see that the gap between the wardrobe and wall is quiet small. In fact it is only 28 centimeters or 11 inches. You have to go through sideways and this is getting more and more difficult with each waste bag we eat. These midnight feasts are not good for the tummy or trouser waist band. Julian got me a pair of chinos, on managers special, for only 1 pound with a waist of 34 inches (I take it he thought I was getting fat!). Have to grow 2 inches before they’ll fit. NO WAY!

*waste – food that has passed it’s “sell by date” and is not fit for anybody except staff. Waste is not even suitable for charities as M&S could get sued if they get food poisoning.

**penniless, moneyless, down-and-out, without a penny to one’s name, without a cent, without one red cent, without two pennies to rub together; poor, needy, destitute, cleaned out, flat broke, strapped for cash, bust, busted, hard up, stone broke, as poor as a church mouse or something like the above.

About the author: oliver